Understanding Communication Styles in Relationships

Exploring the different ways we communicate can shed light on why we sometimes struggle to express ourselves or connect with others. Our patterns of communication are often learned very early, shaped by family environments where feelings may not have been discussed or validated. If, as children, we didn’t have space to share our emotions, we might grow up questioning whether our feelings are valid at all. This can make it difficult in adulthood to speak up for ourselves, particularly in relationships, for fear of coming across as unreasonable or pushing others away.
Many people fall into passive communication as a way of coping. This means staying quiet about our own needs and letting others take the lead, often to avoid conflict or keep the peace. While this can feel safer in the short term, it can end up causing frustration or resentment, as our own needs remain unmet and unheard.
Sometimes, feelings get expressed indirectly in a passive-aggressive style—for example, withdrawing, using silence, or making sarcastic remarks. This can be a sign that we are struggling to express discomfort openly but still want to be seen or heard. Unfortunately, it often leaves both people feeling confused and can create more distance.
Assertive communication, by contrast, is about expressing your needs, feelings, and thoughts openly and honestly, while respecting the other person’s perspective. It’s not about demanding or pushing, but about valuing yourself enough to share what matters to you in a way that also recognises the other person. Statements like, “I feel hurt when…” or “I’d like to talk about…” are examples of assertive communication, making space for both people’s experience.
Learning to communicate assertively doesn’t always come naturally, especially if you’re used to questioning your own feelings or prioritising others. It takes practice to trust that your feelings are valid simply because you experience them, and courage to share them, even if it feels difficult. Over time, developing an assertive communication style can help you feel genuinely seen and heard, creating stronger, more trusting relationships.
If you’re interested in exploring your own communication patterns or learning more about these ideas, feel free to reach out.