We use the term repairs to talk about attempts to restore harmony and connection in a relationship when their has been some kind of rupture. Repairs include apologies and other gestures which indicate the attempt to move out of and … Continue reading
The Gottmans have described criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling as the four horsemen of the apocalypse: research has indicated they are all predictors of relationships ending in divorce with contempt being of particular significance. In couple therapy we take care … Continue reading
In this audiobook, Loch Kelly offers very clear instructions for taking your mindfulness practice deeper. He emphasizes that he’s not referring to instant mindfulness when he uses the term effortless mindfulness but rather a practice that can bring you into … Continue reading
I am currently completing the Gottman method couple therapy Level 1 & 2 training developed by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz-Gottman. Whilst I have read and drawn on John Gottman’s research and books in my couple work up to this … Continue reading
I have recently listened to the audiobook version of Esther Perel’s ‘The state of affairs’. I found it offers a compassionate, insightful, and balanced look at this all too painful situation that affects many couples. Her concern for helping all … Continue reading
Besides projecting things onto other people, we can be on the receiving end of their projections. When we take time to stop and reflect on our responses to other people’s projections, it can be illuminating. For example, you say something … Continue reading
Self love is not the same as selfishness. It is exercising self care by making wise choices for ourselves and bringing warmth and friendliness to this self care. We love ourselves effectively when we organize our relationships, our diet, our … Continue reading
The most essential ingredient of love is connection. Whether we call it love or connection or friendliness in a couple relationship, it can take many forms – from caring words or gestures, to sexual sharing, to a feeling of being … Continue reading
The current trend of listening to or following your heart – which essentially means get in touch with your feelings and use them to give you guidance when making a decision – may result in unwise decisions. This emphasis seems … Continue reading
When we notice our thinking and what it is going on about – whether it is angry aggressive thoughts or envious thoughts or mean thoughts or whatever it is – we bring kindness and warmth to this noticing. We bring … Continue reading
